16 November 2010

Late night thinking, early morning madness

J, I still think about you a lot. I think about you more than I should. I think about you too many times in a day. I can't help it.. You just keep on crossing my mind. I feel like I'm starting all over again. I can't wait for this feeling to stop. You still hold a part of me that I shouldn't have given to you, and for this, I am ashamed. 

L, I miss you. I can't say I've been thinking about you a lot too cause I haven't. There are nights when I need someone to talk to, and it's you that comes to mind. I know we have our differences, and we haven't exactly sorted that out yet. But maybe I feel this way because you really get me. You're my person. And it sucks that we're not talking now cause I really need you to make me smile like I used to. There have been too many dark days for me and I still feel like I'm in a daze. And frankly, I think it's only you that could make me snap out of it.

A, You confuse me a lot. You know so little about me, yet you keep me holding on to a thread. You know I don't wanna mess around, and you know I don't like mind games. I'd really appreciate it if you just stop all the talking and let me know what's going through your head. I can't read you. It might be too soon to say this, but I think there's a possibility that I might like you already. I enjoy talking to you, and I'd want to take this a step further. It's just taking you so long to make a move. So ask me out already.

J, You and me - we're complicated. You'll always be the one I have feelings for, but I'll never get to tell you because you won't let me. What sucks is that there are times when you make me feel like you wanna be with me too. But what sucks more is that you don't have the balls to stand up for it. I know you and you know me. So really, how hard could things be? I think we're both just scared to ruin the thing that we have right now. But every time you hold my hand, and every time you give me a kiss on my cheek, I can feel that there's something beyond what you show me. And I can't wait for another 11 years to find out if it's really us in the end. I think our worlds would be less complicated if we were to be together.

There's just so much going on through my head right now. My mind won't shut up, and it won't let me sleep. I have so much suppressed feelings inside of me. Emotions that I haven't let out; emotions that I haven't talked to anybody about. I hope that when I sleep tonight, everything would all just disappear and I could keep on pretending that none of these happened, that none of these are happening. I want to be happy again. I don't wanna wait for tomorrow to come. I wanna be happy now.

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