17 November 2010

I'll hate myself in the morning for this

It's the second night I'm talking to myself about you. My mind just won't stop running in circles, thinking about the time you made me happy. I mean, you've got to admit it yourself, we did have some happy memories together. Unexpected, but happy. I don't exactly like the fact that I wasn't able to tell you the way I feel about you. I think it was because we've always felt unsure of each other. But to tell you frankly, I felt it. I was able to feel the way you really feel about me; it doesn't matter if you deny it. We both know it. It hurt so bad that you didn't have the balls to man up to your emotions. My best friend says I should've seen this coming, knowing you. But I guess it's something that only I could understand. You even, wouldn't understand. Not even if you tried. There's just so much more for you to learn, so much more that you have to experience, so much more that you have to feel. I just hope you get to do all of that before you run out of time. You know what they say.. The world wouldn't stop spinning for you.

The thing I hate about not being able to sleep at night is that it gives me the time to think about you. It already sucks balls that I think of you at random times during the day, but it's worse that you corrupt my mind at night. It makes me feel vulnerable. I hate that I'm over thinking something that's already inexistent. I just want to rest from all of this, from you. I don't want my world to revolve around the idea of you. I'm not usually like this, and that's why I hate feeling like this. Just give me time to gather myself up, and I'll be on my way in no time.

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