27 June 2011

There is no easy way out

They say that love doesn't have a past tense. Once you love someone, you can never undo it. You can never not love a person once you have loved them in your lifetime. I believe this to be true. 

Life can never be perfect in the same way that people can never be satisfied. There is no way that humans can be satisfied- it doesn't matter if they have several bank accounts full of cash, or if they have a loving family- there will always be something that YOU will want more. 

In the same way that relationships can never be perfect. Nobody will come to rescue you from a tower or kiss you back to reality. There may come a time when you feel that nothing can compare to what you are feeling, but it may really be just a phase. I would hate to think that way.

My boyfriend of three years and seven months is my best friend- more than anyone in this world. He knows me inside and out, knows all my flaws, and has accepted me just the way I am. He never tried to change anything about me even though I tried to change every bit of him. He never hurt me physically, or shouted at me, or cursed me- even though I did those things to him. And for these reasons, I will be forever grateful. 

For as long as I can remember, I was with him and I couldn't have wished for anyone else to grow up with. The relationship that I once had has honed me into becoming a stronger, better person and for that reason, I have no regrets. It's such a pain to look back at all the memories, both the good and the bad. To have that one last talk, one last kiss, one last hug before watching him walk out the door tonight is a blessing. Not everybody can leave a relationship this good.

I know I will miss him. That's the one thing I cannot lie about. I will miss having him around- after all, for the past three years, that's where he was... around me all the time. He has just always been there and that's what's scaring me. To step out of my comfort zone, to face every day without talking to him. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. He meant the world to me. He still does. But while a small part of me feels that it would be "safer" to stay in that relationship, a big part of me thinks that it's finally time to let go and move on.

To my dearest,

You have been with me through everything and I couldn't be more thankful to share a part of my life with you. You have been there through my strongest and weakest points and for that, I will be forever grateful. I know that I cannot say I love you enough to mend the wound that I have inflicted on you tonight, but I guess in a way, we both knew at the back of our minds that this is what was waiting for us at the end of the road. I also know that what we had wasn't all butterflies and unicorns- we've been through pretty rough roads too but we always managed to get over the bumps, no matter how small or big it were. I cannot thank you enough for letting me in your life, the way that I let you in on mine. 

I am sincerely sorry for treating you the way that I have. I know I wasn't ideal, nor was I perfect. But you know that I did the best that I could. I was strong for the both of us when things were going haywire. We both tried to make the best of what we had but I guess in the end, that wasn't enough. You are so very special to me and you always will be, so please don't ever think otherwise. 

I guess what I really want to say is that, I thank you for being you- nothing more and nothing less. You have taught me so many things in life and I hope that you learned a lot from me too. Always remember that I will be here and that no one can ever replace you. As they say, once you reach rock bottom, there is no way to go but up. I love you and I always will.

No comments:

Post a Comment