24 November 2010

In a world of simple things, you are my complexity

So there's this boy. He played my mind and he broke my heart. This is supposed to be the part when it's all over.

But there's this other boy. He's been consistently in my world, but I never really gave him much attention since the early part of this year. He liked me, I didn't like him. Then I liked him, but he didn't like me. We're sort of okay now, but it's just really complicated between us that I don't even know where to start when I want to begin explaining what's going on. It's like, we both know there's a thing, but it's inexistent.

Do you get it?
I don't get it either.

I know it's there though. And I'd call him a moron if he said that it weren't. There's a fine, fine line between us being friends and being lovers that neither of us dared to cross. I don't think it's gonna happen anytime soon, and I'm okay with that really. I'm writing about him tonight because what really bothers me is the complexity of our thing. 

There are moments that he'd seem extra sweet, extra concerned, extra touchy. It lasts for a while until someone notices. And then, he backs out. I used to think that maybe it was only me who felt this, but my other friends started to notice too. I'd cite so many experiences when these have happened, but then it would take me forever.

One of the most irritating things about him is that when our friends start to talk to him about me, he'd come up with so many irrelevant reasons not to date me. He'd act as if something was undeniably wrong with me. These reasons... To me, they're nonsense. I genuinely believe he's just scared cause we're friends. I know he's not up for commitment, but neither am I. Or maybe he hasn't admitted this to himself yet.

It really isn't a big thing though. I'm just really, really weirded out.
But baby, you can't fool me. I can see through your sheer curtain of concealment.

So anyway! I've been talking too much about the boys in my life. I don't want to get me started again, cause there's really a lot to say. Don't get me wrong though, I'm in no hurry. I haven't been single in about five to six years, so this is the phase where I'm starting to live out my life without being dependent on anyone. It doesn't feel good all the time, especially when I've got absolutely nothing to do or nowhere to go. It sometimes sucks that I don't have a default person to go to. But I'm okay like this. In fact, I'm great like this. (insert smiley face here)

What's really keeping me busy right now is my school work. I hate this term and I can't wait for the Christmas break. I'm bound to fail calculus and financial management, so I have so many sleepless nights studying. I hate that no matter what I do, math doesn't love me back. I mean, I'm thrilled that I passed my last calculus exam, but it's not enough. I have to do better, and I will do better. Marketing's being such a bitch. I'm having a hard time reaching my quota of Php 35,000 and my group mates and I haven't closed our professor yet. You see, we're supposed to sell him a product for our midterm exam, but we chose the wrong product and he didn't buy it. So we're supposed to do a follow-up next week. Theology's been nothing but boring the entire term. Economics... well, it's economics. I'm so glad I have a good professor for this subject, so it hasn't been a drag attending her classes but we have this paper that I need to revise and submit to get a better grade.

And I mean, I could rant all night cause I have all the time in the world. I'm not supposed to do anything. But I'll save you all the trouble. I'm stopping now, and I'm shutting my system off. Ciao.

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