27 January 2011

At every moment, we have one foot in a fairy tale, the other one in abyss

January 26 2011
2:52 am

I just finished painting my nails red and watching Fight Club. I almost forgot how much of a good movie this film was. I mean is. I've watched it so many times before and I still am amazed of its story line and screenplay. Plus, I get to see Brad Pitt for the most part of the movie so that's an added million bonus. 

I really hate that I have insomnia and that it's so hard for me to sleep at night even though I'm tired. I'm running out of things to do and it's getting me thinking about a lot of stuff. Tonight, it's just life in general. I mean, what if the world works like a Polly Pocket? God / Buddha / Allah is the player and we're the dolls. Or maybe in the modern world, we're just a game of Sims. It started out as a basic thing -- just living. And then there came the next editions. Pets and parties became a part of our world. Then the new craze came out, Sims 3. What if the higher power was the one getting his laptop crazy and messed up because his / her installer didn't work right? And he / she breathed a sigh of relief once it finally worked? 

It's crazy to think about really, that life is just a game that we all play. When we were born, the happiest time of our day was eating time, or maybe when the sun starts to set and our parents pushed us on the streets in our strollers. And how happy we were when we finally learned to color inside the lines. When the hardest thing to learn was multiplication and division. Then we grow up to be the person we've become and choose the things we'd like to do for the rest of our life. Then we get married and have kids and the cycle repeats itself. It's funny how we endure pain and heartbreak, and it's fascinating to think about how complicated the human body really is. When I wanted to become a doctor and started studying for it, a certain thought always crossed my mind: why am I doing this? For what? For whom? We all die eventually, we all turn into dust -- it's just the circle of life. So either we live like a bum, we don't have money, do the wrong thing or the right thing -- our fate is final. Why do I have to push myself hard to become a doctor, enduring sleepless nights and caffeine intoxication when I could just be a sales lady or a cashier at the local grocery store? Why do we try so hard to leave a mark in this world, live a glorious life and get all the things that we want? What is it all for? In the beginning, we were nothing. In the end, we return to nothing. Why the hell is life worth living?

I ask myself these questions and think that the human mind can do crazy things to you. It's everything you have. It's either you're dumb or you're smart. It's the culprit of every mistake that you do and the mastermind in all the great that you do. Thinking is such a complicated thing and life is an intricate event or place or person or thing, whatever you like to call it. Whatever you do, whether you're ignorant, dense, moronic, savvy, clever, sharp-witted -- you can never, ever understand it.

Point is, there is no point. I could go on and on with these questions.. it just never stops. I go to sleep and I wake up and do the same thing every day but I never know what's gonna happen. I live life. But then, what the hell is living? 

Oh, and you should watch Fight Club if you've never watched it. It's astonishing, awesome, remarkable, incredible, extraordinary, and all other words you find in your thesaurus with the word amazing.

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