La Fille du Papa

You know the feeling when you finally find a relationship you'd fight so hard to keep?
A relationship that's worth every heartbreak?

One mistake and it vanishes in an instant.
You don't even have time to think.
The relationship you fought so hard to build just went crumbling down the ground.
And it was all your fault.
How would you feel?

Whatever feeling you must be thinking..
I'm sure I'm feeling even worse than that.

I'm sorry.
I love you.

Actually, the trick here is to never let the loneliness kick in

When you've been in a relationship for a long time, you build your safety net with that person that maybe (or rather, hopefully) nobody else can penetrate. I've come to realize that only the two persons involved have the capability to destroy this net, little by little, in the form of little white lies, big lies, infidelities, unfaithfulness, and whatnot. I've also come to realize that while you're burning little holes in this net, it's not easy to sew it together again.

I have been alone for a couple of months now. And when I was not busy with school, or when my best friend was out for the night, or when I didn't have my own night outs, it became lonely in my bed. It was difficult not having someone to send good morning and good night messages to, or not having someone to update about little things that happened during the day- it was difficult not having an automatic friend you can always talk to.

As the days got by, I could say I got better. Lesser and lesser were the nights when I cried. Everything sinked in eventually. And while I'm still alone at the moment, I'm not lonely anymore.

There is no easy way out

They say that love doesn't have a past tense. Once you love someone, you can never undo it. You can never not love a person once you have loved them in your lifetime. I believe this to be true. 

Life can never be perfect in the same way that people can never be satisfied. There is no way that humans can be satisfied- it doesn't matter if they have several bank accounts full of cash, or if they have a loving family- there will always be something that YOU will want more. 

In the same way that relationships can never be perfect. Nobody will come to rescue you from a tower or kiss you back to reality. There may come a time when you feel that nothing can compare to what you are feeling, but it may really be just a phase. I would hate to think that way.

My boyfriend of three years and seven months is my best friend- more than anyone in this world. He knows me inside and out, knows all my flaws, and has accepted me just the way I am. He never tried to change anything about me even though I tried to change every bit of him. He never hurt me physically, or shouted at me, or cursed me- even though I did those things to him. And for these reasons, I will be forever grateful. 

For as long as I can remember, I was with him and I couldn't have wished for anyone else to grow up with. The relationship that I once had has honed me into becoming a stronger, better person and for that reason, I have no regrets. It's such a pain to look back at all the memories, both the good and the bad. To have that one last talk, one last kiss, one last hug before watching him walk out the door tonight is a blessing. Not everybody can leave a relationship this good.

I know I will miss him. That's the one thing I cannot lie about. I will miss having him around- after all, for the past three years, that's where he was... around me all the time. He has just always been there and that's what's scaring me. To step out of my comfort zone, to face every day without talking to him. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. He meant the world to me. He still does. But while a small part of me feels that it would be "safer" to stay in that relationship, a big part of me thinks that it's finally time to let go and move on.

To my dearest,

You have been with me through everything and I couldn't be more thankful to share a part of my life with you. You have been there through my strongest and weakest points and for that, I will be forever grateful. I know that I cannot say I love you enough to mend the wound that I have inflicted on you tonight, but I guess in a way, we both knew at the back of our minds that this is what was waiting for us at the end of the road. I also know that what we had wasn't all butterflies and unicorns- we've been through pretty rough roads too but we always managed to get over the bumps, no matter how small or big it were. I cannot thank you enough for letting me in your life, the way that I let you in on mine. 

I am sincerely sorry for treating you the way that I have. I know I wasn't ideal, nor was I perfect. But you know that I did the best that I could. I was strong for the both of us when things were going haywire. We both tried to make the best of what we had but I guess in the end, that wasn't enough. You are so very special to me and you always will be, so please don't ever think otherwise. 

I guess what I really want to say is that, I thank you for being you- nothing more and nothing less. You have taught me so many things in life and I hope that you learned a lot from me too. Always remember that I will be here and that no one can ever replace you. As they say, once you reach rock bottom, there is no way to go but up. I love you and I always will.

Day 28: Photo of you with someone you love

I lagged in posting this entry because I cannot think of one single person that I love most in this world. My heart is too big for everyone :-)

The perpetual photo. You saw this coming! The thing I love most about my boyfriend is the fact that he's also my best friend. I am most comfortable with him. He knows me inside and out. When we're not fighting we are very happy haha. Today we stayed together all day and just talked and bonded. It was one of the best days we've had in a while. :-)

He's not my best friend but probably my closest guy friend as of the moment. I swear he's all in one! Not the one I necessarily call upon heartbreaks and high moments but he definitely knows almost everything about me. What I love about him is that he's very chismoso so we share a lot of chismax when we're together hahaha!

We're not complete in this picture I think haha. But these are the people who I enjoy spending time with especially on certain occasions. 

This is such an old photo haha! She's one of the closest friends that I have in my life right now. Knows everything about me and although doesn't give the most concrete advices she will always say the words that you want to hear :-)

A very recent picture of me and my best friend :-) She's the one girl friend I can stay up late talking to about the most random stuff or the deepest possible matters. What I love about our talks is that we talk about LIFE not other people's lives and I do believe that we make each other a better person. We're actually roomies now and I see her almost everyday but it seems like we don't run out of stuff to talk about. She's not here at the moment and I kinda miss her haha cheesy! 

My cousins! I don't get to see them as often as before. Achi is on her final term in La Salle and it's a working term so she's extra busy. Nikki started going to college this school year so she's going to get busier by the day. The two little baby girls are the only permanent people I see at home every time I come home for the weekend. And when I do come home they give me super tight hugs and sweet kisses and they tell me stories about everything! 

The people who I grew up with and raised me and is a major factor in who I am as a person today. I do not live with them at this time in my life but I do miss them terribly and I love them no less.

The picture is a bit blurry. It was taken during PBA's last conference- victory party. Like I said my papa and I have too much in common it's scary sometimes. I haven't spent most of my life with him but almost all of the memories are good ones and it's always better to create new memories than to relive old ones :-)

If you ask me who I loved the most in this world at the top of my mind on instinct I would have to say that it's this little bundle of joy. Well he's not so little now and in fact he's grown up and embarrassed to be kissed and touched in public. I miss him terribly and I promise myself that I will see him as soon as I can :-)

PS: The reason why I don't have any commas in this post and I know I created a lot of run-on sentences is because my comma and greater than sign keyboard key is broken! Sorry!

We're strangers who know each other very well

This describes EXACTLY how I've been feeling for the past couple of days and I wish it would just go away. I miss you so much and I need to be next to you everyday.

Of wake boarding and ass kicking

Thursday, January 20, I slept over at Grai's condo because (1) she was buying drinks that night and (2) we had plans for her birthday the next day. I went there and watched her and Raffy play Fifa '11 in this new computer / gaming shop in Burgundy. She kicked his ass with a final score of 7-4 for 8 (or 10) games I think. Anyway, Lorenze and I spent the rest of the night and the early morning in Rooftop with Grai and her roomies and team mates.

Our happy Thursday turned into a happier Friday when we went to Lago de Oro for the celebration of Grai's 19th birthday! Too bad Grai forgot to bring her memory card so we didn't have high res photos. As usual, we just took photos off of the trusty iPhone cam. We failed to take pictures during the wake boarding session, but we'll surely go back and we'll definitely take so much pictures!!! Grai and I kicked the boys' asses cause Grai got to the end of the track and I almost got to the end. It's girl's week this week! The boys want to catch up to our awesomeness next week so we'll see about that. :-)

Anyway, after the session, Raffy prepared a dinner in a raft out in the sea. It was sort of a little surprise for Grai :-)

Here's the birthday girl with yoghurt cake. I think it has strawberries and bananas :-)

Grai with Raffy :-)

Aren't they such a cute couple? :-)

Here's a picture of the raft

I made her pose with the two boys as her body guards haha

Only two pictures with my best friend!

It was quite funny cause my boyfriend wanted to navigate and push the raft with manong. He just loves feeling local. Hahaha! :-)

Grai's turn to sit on the nav seat 

It was too windy that Raffy and I found it hard to light Grai's cake

She ended up lighting it herself hahaha

The manong even offered this wooden board to block off the wind!

We finally did it!!!! :-)

... and she can now eat her cake :-)

My turn at the nav seat! Haha

Raffy and Grai had the good lighting 

We had the bad. But it's okay cause it wasn't my birthday hahaha 

Raffy ordered Margherita pizza (pardon me I don't know the spelling!) and we ate our Mushroom Burgers that were supposed to be for lunch!  

We went home later than planned cause we lost our way! We were driving towards the core of Batangas instead of getting out of it. Hahaha anyway we wasted about thirty minutes or so and toll money but we eventually found our way :-)

Sofia

Nothing catches human interest like human tragedy

I've read about Jordan Rice, a thirteen year old Australian boy who saved his brother from a flood, in one too many websites. Jordan and his mom were swept away by the floods because Jordan requested his rescuer to save his brother, Blake, first. In an interview, Jordan's dad told the Toowoomba Chronicle that Jordan couldn't swim and in fact, he was terrified of water.

It was such a brave thing to do -- a little boy who just entered his teens putting his brother's life before his. I couldn't imagine what that must be like; having to give up your whole self for someone who means the world to you. Imagine, he has his whole life ahead of him, waiting for him to live everyday as if it were his last. Life waiting to unfold before his very eyes. But he couldn't do that anymore, because he wanted his brother to live.

When I think about it, it's not that hard, really. Everyday, we put ourselves out there, battling our way through life and whatever it throws at us. Those of us with lovers give their partners their whole self without second thought. What is it to give up your everything for someone who means so much more than the world to us? If we live, and that special person dies, would your life be worth living? I for one, would rather die knowing that my loved one is going to be safe and sound.

If it would have happened to me, I wouldn't have a second thought about giving my life up for my brother. Even though we only see each other every weekend as I now live with my papa, I love him no less. He's the primary reason why I come home to the south to visit. I cannot even begin to tell you how much joy he brings me or how much love I have for him. He's already eight years old and embarrassed to be kissed in public. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like when he enters his teenage years. I'm too scared to even think about it... He grew up too quickly. I'd give up anything and everything for him -- even if my life depended on it. I guess that's how you know if you really love the person -- you start caring about them more and caring about yourself less. Being selfless isn't so bad when you know that it's worth it :-)

Review: Letters to Juliet

After Raffy left the condo, Grai and I decided to watch Letters to Juliet. We both haven't seen the film so we were both in it for a treat. 

The movie's named after just what the story's all about; letters to Juliet. Sophie, a wannabe writer, and her fiance, Victor, a chef who wanted to put up an Italian restaurant, were out for a vacation in Europe. They were supposed to be on a pre-honeymoon, but they wanted to do different things on their own -- Victor was just focused on talking to suppliers, going to wine auctions and tasting cheese while Sophie wanted to explore the great countries. While Victor was in a wine auction, Sophie went to Vernon where she stumbled upon a wall in which women from all over the world posted their hand written letters to Juliet. She came to stay and write her own when she noticed a woman, Isabella, take down the letters one by one and put it in a basket. Out of curiosity, she followed Isabella and she found herself in a room where the secretaries of Juliet gathered around to write back to all these women.

During her first time to take down letters from the wall, Sophie found a loose brick in the wall; and in that hole she found a letter written by a woman named Claire dated fifty years ago. The letter was about her being a coward and not going for the love she wanted at that time, and instead left to go back to school. Instinctively, Sophie wanted to send out a reply to this woman. After a few days or so, an arrogant man, Charlie, walked into the room and was preposterously mad at Sophie for sending out a letter to his grandmother. He reacted that way because he didn't want his grandmother to get hurt (i.e. what if the man was happily married with children and grandchildren, what if the man was dead). They engaged in a debate where Charlie stormed out of the place and went back to the wall. Sophie, being as curious as she is, followed him and that's when she met Claire. She then found out that Claire wanted to find her true love, Lorenzo, the man she reluctantly left a long time ago. Sophie volunteered to tag along and help find this man.

Sophie, Claire and Charlie circled in on their journey, eliminating those men who were out of the area. They visited every farm and every house they crossed out on the map in the hopes of finding Claire's one true love. Meanwhile, Sophie continued to feel distant from Victor -- firstly because they were literally far from each other, and secondly because she felt as if Victor was never interested in her stories or what she wanted to do with her life. They loved each other but their differences got so much in the way that made her unhappy. Her unhappiness made her do things she wasn't supposed to do -- she enjoyed the company of Charlie and they kissed romantically while lying on the grass, under the stars.

Sophie had crossed out all Lorenzos in their vicinity and that was when she knew she had failed Claire. Nevertheless, she wanted to continue on their search but Charlie was against it this time. She had no choice but to just leave things be and go home to her fiance. As they were driving, Claire wanted to visit a vineyard of their favorite wine. Not to say much more cheesy stuff, they vineyard was where Claire and Lorenzo met for the first time in fifty years.

To fast forward to the end of the story, Sophie went back to New York to submit her story about Claire and Lorenzo and the publisher wanted to print it! One day as she entered her office, Claire and Lorenzo had sent her an invitation to their wedding. That next morning, she decided to end things with Victor and attend the wedding on her own; it was also undeniable that Sophie wanted to go after Charlie. So she travelled to Europe to witness a simple and beautiful wedding, only to find out that Charlie had brought a date with him, Patricia, a girl he mentioned to Sophie a while back that was his ex lover. For a moment there, she thought she had her heart broken, but like all love stories, it ended well with a kiss after Charlie fell off of climbing up the vines leading to a balcony where Sophie was standing -- yes, Romeo and Juliet style.

All in all, the movie was a great love story -- the condo was filled with awww's coming from me and Grai, and I almost swear that if I were alone, I would've cried my eyes out while my mouth was full with potato chips! :-) I loved every bit of it, probably because all the cliche, romantic scenes were done with dignity. They were not overly done and overrated; plus, they were in a very romantic country.

As little girls, we dream of that perfect wedding. I used to dream of walking down the aisle with a white, princess-type balloon wedding gown whose tail reaches the middle of the church when I'm standing at the altar. I want to have the perfect reception at a fancy restaurant that had a rooftop, drinking champagne and toasting to true love. Of course, things change as time takes its course. As a nineteen year old girl, I dream of a beach wedding. I want my groom and I to be the only ones wearing white and our theme would be of blues and greens or oranges and yellows. I want our drinks to be margaritas and pina coladas and I want us to be barefoot, not in stilettos and leather shoes.

But I guess the real journey here is not about planning about the wedding, because girls have all the time in the world to think about that. When the moment comes, I'll eventually know what I want to do to create the perfect wedding that will remain forever in my heart and photo albums. Instead, the adventure is finding the man who will wait for me topless -- only wearing sand-colored drawstring pants, barefoot, at the end of a red-colored banig that will replace a carpet. Like they always say the mind is put over the heart because it should be the one to be followed. But I say, it's always a mixture of both. It's about knowing what your heart wants and using your mind to make it happen. After all, not everybody gets to travel to Vernon to write a letter to Juliet. It's up to us to make our destiny because in reality, happiness isn't handed to us on a silver platter. Happiness is a choice. :-)

Late night double date

I was finally able to get some internet access! I love our place here in Taft that we like to call gilid -- there's a wide variety of food choices, an open area so we could smoke and WiFi from Jollibee that's just across the street! Anyway, Grai and I are sitting side by side right now, with our Macs open, only talking in bits and pieces cause we're both busy, hahaha!

Anyhow, I was with Lorenze last night before meeting up with Grai and Raffy cause we were all supposed to go to Taft together. We ate dinner in SM Southmall's food court, and can I just say the place looks way different from what I remember. We went to Grai's place afterwards to wait for Raffy to pick us up. After he did, we decided to go to Army Navy in Alabang to stop by for some burgers and quesadilla. The food was great, but our talks were better :-) We talked about everything from high school shenanigans to growing up and moving on. Anyway, here are some pictures from last night :-)

There is no gray area

 For the most part of my life, I don't think I've ever been to the extremes. I've had my ups and downs, but I knew someone was always more unfortunate than me, or better than me. But I don't think I accept life the way it's thrown at me. I like myself the way I am - driven. Making sure I go out there every day, busting my ass out just to make sure everything goes the way I've always planned.

Sometimes, people make decisions based on their oddest instincts and most intimate feelings. I believe this to be true. I guess I'm in a place where I just want to look past the imperfections and the flaws because I do not want to look for answers, faults or mistakes. Instead, I want to accept the faults and mistakes and overlook the excuses. I want to see the good in the people that I love, the people that I care for.

There is no gray area. I was single and I loved every bit of it. Every date, every night out, every first kiss was truly something to remember. The guys I've gone out with, the guys who made an impact in my life will never be forgotten. But there is only black and white. I can choose to be happy or sad. I could always just say there's someone better out there for me, or somebody out there deserves me more. But I could also just choose the one whom I know loves me more than I love him.

This isn't paranoia. It's just enough of a gut feeling to be grateful for what I've got.

In a world of simple things, you are my complexity

So there's this boy. He played my mind and he broke my heart. This is supposed to be the part when it's all over.

But there's this other boy. He's been consistently in my world, but I never really gave him much attention since the early part of this year. He liked me, I didn't like him. Then I liked him, but he didn't like me. We're sort of okay now, but it's just really complicated between us that I don't even know where to start when I want to begin explaining what's going on. It's like, we both know there's a thing, but it's inexistent.

Do you get it?
I don't get it either.

I know it's there though. And I'd call him a moron if he said that it weren't. There's a fine, fine line between us being friends and being lovers that neither of us dared to cross. I don't think it's gonna happen anytime soon, and I'm okay with that really. I'm writing about him tonight because what really bothers me is the complexity of our thing. 

There are moments that he'd seem extra sweet, extra concerned, extra touchy. It lasts for a while until someone notices. And then, he backs out. I used to think that maybe it was only me who felt this, but my other friends started to notice too. I'd cite so many experiences when these have happened, but then it would take me forever.

One of the most irritating things about him is that when our friends start to talk to him about me, he'd come up with so many irrelevant reasons not to date me. He'd act as if something was undeniably wrong with me. These reasons... To me, they're nonsense. I genuinely believe he's just scared cause we're friends. I know he's not up for commitment, but neither am I. Or maybe he hasn't admitted this to himself yet.

It really isn't a big thing though. I'm just really, really weirded out.
But baby, you can't fool me. I can see through your sheer curtain of concealment.


So anyway! I've been talking too much about the boys in my life. I don't want to get me started again, cause there's really a lot to say. Don't get me wrong though, I'm in no hurry. I haven't been single in about five to six years, so this is the phase where I'm starting to live out my life without being dependent on anyone. It doesn't feel good all the time, especially when I've got absolutely nothing to do or nowhere to go. It sometimes sucks that I don't have a default person to go to. But I'm okay like this. In fact, I'm great like this. (insert smiley face here)

What's really keeping me busy right now is my school work. I hate this term and I can't wait for the Christmas break. I'm bound to fail calculus and financial management, so I have so many sleepless nights studying. I hate that no matter what I do, math doesn't love me back. I mean, I'm thrilled that I passed my last calculus exam, but it's not enough. I have to do better, and I will do better. Marketing's being such a bitch. I'm having a hard time reaching my quota of Php 35,000 and my group mates and I haven't closed our professor yet. You see, we're supposed to sell him a product for our midterm exam, but we chose the wrong product and he didn't buy it. So we're supposed to do a follow-up next week. Theology's been nothing but boring the entire term. Economics... well, it's economics. I'm so glad I have a good professor for this subject, so it hasn't been a drag attending her classes but we have this paper that I need to revise and submit to get a better grade.

And I mean, I could rant all night cause I have all the time in the world. I'm not supposed to do anything. But I'll save you all the trouble. I'm stopping now, and I'm shutting my system off. Ciao.

BoysLikeGirls

In case you haven't heard..

I used to be love drunk
But now I'm hung over
I love you forever
Forever is over
We used to kiss all night
Now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying
Say hello to goodbye


I'm okay now. I believe this is heaven to no one else but me.

I'll hate myself in the morning for this

It's the second night I'm talking to myself about you. My mind just won't stop running in circles, thinking about the time you made me happy. I mean, you've got to admit it yourself, we did have some happy memories together. Unexpected, but happy. I don't exactly like the fact that I wasn't able to tell you the way I feel about you. I think it was because we've always felt unsure of each other. But to tell you frankly, I felt it. I was able to feel the way you really feel about me; it doesn't matter if you deny it. We both know it. It hurt so bad that you didn't have the balls to man up to your emotions. My best friend says I should've seen this coming, knowing you. But I guess it's something that only I could understand. You even, wouldn't understand. Not even if you tried. There's just so much more for you to learn, so much more that you have to experience, so much more that you have to feel. I just hope you get to do all of that before you run out of time. You know what they say.. The world wouldn't stop spinning for you.

The thing I hate about not being able to sleep at night is that it gives me the time to think about you. It already sucks balls that I think of you at random times during the day, but it's worse that you corrupt my mind at night. It makes me feel vulnerable. I hate that I'm over thinking something that's already inexistent. I just want to rest from all of this, from you. I don't want my world to revolve around the idea of you. I'm not usually like this, and that's why I hate feeling like this. Just give me time to gather myself up, and I'll be on my way in no time.

Late night thinking, early morning madness

J, I still think about you a lot. I think about you more than I should. I think about you too many times in a day. I can't help it.. You just keep on crossing my mind. I feel like I'm starting all over again. I can't wait for this feeling to stop. You still hold a part of me that I shouldn't have given to you, and for this, I am ashamed. 

L, I miss you. I can't say I've been thinking about you a lot too cause I haven't. There are nights when I need someone to talk to, and it's you that comes to mind. I know we have our differences, and we haven't exactly sorted that out yet. But maybe I feel this way because you really get me. You're my person. And it sucks that we're not talking now cause I really need you to make me smile like I used to. There have been too many dark days for me and I still feel like I'm in a daze. And frankly, I think it's only you that could make me snap out of it.

A, You confuse me a lot. You know so little about me, yet you keep me holding on to a thread. You know I don't wanna mess around, and you know I don't like mind games. I'd really appreciate it if you just stop all the talking and let me know what's going through your head. I can't read you. It might be too soon to say this, but I think there's a possibility that I might like you already. I enjoy talking to you, and I'd want to take this a step further. It's just taking you so long to make a move. So ask me out already.

J, You and me - we're complicated. You'll always be the one I have feelings for, but I'll never get to tell you because you won't let me. What sucks is that there are times when you make me feel like you wanna be with me too. But what sucks more is that you don't have the balls to stand up for it. I know you and you know me. So really, how hard could things be? I think we're both just scared to ruin the thing that we have right now. But every time you hold my hand, and every time you give me a kiss on my cheek, I can feel that there's something beyond what you show me. And I can't wait for another 11 years to find out if it's really us in the end. I think our worlds would be less complicated if we were to be together.

There's just so much going on through my head right now. My mind won't shut up, and it won't let me sleep. I have so much suppressed feelings inside of me. Emotions that I haven't let out; emotions that I haven't talked to anybody about. I hope that when I sleep tonight, everything would all just disappear and I could keep on pretending that none of these happened, that none of these are happening. I want to be happy again. I don't wanna wait for tomorrow to come. I wanna be happy now.

I miss you quite terribly

I'm so proud of myself. I haven't talked to you in days. I admit, I've been thinking about you a lot, but not as much as I used to. I guess it's safe to say that I thought wrongly about you. Don't get me wrong, you did make me happy, in more ways than one. I used to think that after everything I've been through, you were the good in all the bad. I wasn't entirely wrong though. This is the part that I hate - when I have passed all the four stages and I'm left with the hardest one. I've thought a lot about this and I finally admitted to myself that I loved you. I can't say I really fell in love with you, but I believe that at some point, that was what I felt. I can't say it was all your fault too, I was vulnerable but you didn't take advantage of it. Instead, you made me feel like I needed you, like I wanted to be with you.

This entry's filled with all the emotions that's left in me. All the parts of me that still have your name and face written all over them. I've written about you so openly today because this is the day that I want to let go all of you. Two months worth of ups and downs are flushed down the drain, and I'm not looking back anymore. I keep moving forward.

Even though I miss you quite terribly, I wish there was some way to let you know that I'm actually more than okay. I miss you. Or at least, I used to.

Transparency

Today, I start a series of black and white.

In your lifetime, you get to meet a number of people you like, the people you manage to be with, and the people you can't seem to be with. I think the people you can't seem to be with play the crucial role in your life. They're the ones you can't seem to get off your head, they're running around in circles. They're the ones you dream about, and they're the ones you think about when you wake up. It gets tiring at some point, and you'll have to realize that at some time, you will have to let go of the idea of being with them. Not that it's never going to happen, but you should accept the fact that it's not gonna happen right now.

The most difficult thing is when you're also his can't seem to be with person. It's not that you haven't tried to work it out, because you have. You tried things that are possible at this point, but it's just not happening. It's like, the more you try, the more you're being pulled apart. And again, at some point, you just have to face it.

I think I'm in that point in my life. You know, facing it. I'm not gonna play my strong-girl-not-going-to-be-affected card here, because he knows how much I like him. I don't know if it's a mistake, letting him know. I also don't know if it's a mistake, letting him go. But today, I have decided to leave a mini-chapter in my life. I certainly hope it's not gonna be the last time I open it, but I want to stop thinking about it for now. I want to let go and be happy, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Today, I start to miss you. In fact, I miss you already.